Building a ?Modern Family? | You're My Second Mama, Aren't You

// June 23rd, 2012 // Adoptees, Decisions, Interviews, Resources, Support

Did any of you see the TV season finale of Modern Family?? I love this show for many reasons, including incredible writing and cast.? You might also guess that I love the idea of a ?modern family,? and the adoption issues of the ?two dads? and their adorable daughter, Lily.

I believe they handle the adoption issues well, but this last episode was particularly relevant.? The show is an amazing mixture of both humor and drama, as was the issue of the potential adoption that didn?t quite work out.? As usual it was done in a comedic way, but somehow managed also to convey the confusion, anxiety, and fear that everyone in the adoption process feels.? The child?s birth family wanted to stay involved with the child ? hopefully with a happy ending for the child; and the potential adoptive parents were exhausted and disappointed with the decision.

Often nothing stops the potential for sadness, confusion, and chaos in the adoption process.? It is simply too complex to go smoothly, all of the time.? This is particularly true when it is an open adoption, and there is no one who is qualified to guide the process.? Because I get asked often for advice about the adoption process, I would like to use this blog to introduce you to someone I know who is an expert at guiding the adoption process before, during, and even more importantly, after the process is completed.

Her name is Sharon Roszia, and if you have been following my magazine at www.adoptionvoicesmagazine.com, you will know that she is my Acquisitions Editor and appears in each edition as my Adoption Expert.? I met Sharon 25 years ago, before I adopted Jaik and Brandon, and applied her world-class advice many times throughout the years.

Please enjoy this post, and pass it on to anyone you know who is thinking about adopting, or is in the middle of the adoption process.? This will be a gift to everyone who reads it.

Jane Ballback?????? _________________________________________________

Getting Ready to Adopt

Of all the questions I get asked, it is the questions that have to do with readiness to adopt that are the most frequent. ?Since I can look back at these decisions from a fifty year perspective as a social worker, so many issues immediately come to mind. ?I will list them in no particular order of importance because all of these have the possibility of robbing a family and child of the joy of adoption if not addressed.

If you are adopting as a couple, are you in agreement that this is a way to build your family? You don?t have to be on the same yard line when you start because you have much to consider; but you do have to be in the same stadium!

• If you are single, who will be your main supports? Are there friends and or family who are in agreement about your plan; would learn right along with you if you attend classes; would step in regularly to give you respite and give honest feedback when that is needed?
• For a couple, who will be your support system? If most of your family is far away; have you ?made family? with close friends who will be there to offer respite and advice as needed?
• Do you know people who have adopted; are adopted, or have placed for adoption? Learn from them and get more than one point of view; not all adopted persons feel the same way, for instance.
• Ask other adoptive parents for resources and ask what they have learned along the way.
• Ask the people who know you best, who best they see you parenting?
• Start receiving material about adoption such as subscribing to Adoptive Family Magazine. Read, Read, Read and Discuss, Discuss and Discuss!!
• Go online and search several agency websites and visit as many agencies and attorneys as you can.? You pick where you will receive the most education and support both before and after the adoption.

Really Discuss the Pro and Cons of the Many Choices You Get to Make:

• What kind of adoption do you want such as agency, attorney, or a combination of both?
• What can you realistically afford? ?There are many roads to adoption that do not have to be costly.
• Do you want a baby, toddler, or school age child?? What are the pros and cons of each choice?
• Will you adopt a sibling group?
• Will you adopt from the foster care system? Can you accept legal risk?
• Will you adopt a child from another race or culture? ?Do your live in an area where different races and cultures are present; what does the population of the school look like that your child might attend; what are your family?s prejudices; can you see yourself as a non-white family? ?Do you have friends of different races and cultures?
• Will you be able to afford the money and the time to adopt internationally?
• Will you consider an ongoing relationship with the birth family?
• Do you have the time to adopt? ?That seems like a no-brainer, however, if you both work and go to the gym and volunteer some place; what might have to change to focus on a child? ?Can you take time off work?
• Can you tolerate the scrutiny that a family assessment requires?

I want to say, adoption is more about attitude than your age, health, lifestyle, length of marriage, income, or religion; or whether you own your home or not. ?That is not to say that particular agencies or particular State laws won?t dictate some decisions you have to address.? However, there are children all over the world who need parents, so you may have to adjust your point of view to reach your parenting goal.? You may surprise yourself with what you can do!

I know I have not covered all the questions that can be asked about getting ready to adopt. So, after reading the blog, ask your questions and we can continue to explore together.? If you have a private concern or question, you can check out my website at www.sharonroszia.com and contact me directly.

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Please visit my Adoption Voices Magazine to find an ongoing column titled Expert Opinion on a variety of adoption subjects authored by Sharon Roszia.? She always leaves you with something more to think about.

I look forward to your comments!

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